Does money buy you happiness?

I used to think so.



I grew up in my elementary school years in a family that didn't have very much money. My mom, sister, and I were on food stamps—we ate government cheese and drank powdered milk. I remember one Thanksgiving where we thought we wouldn't have enough money to buy a turkey. Calvary Lutheran Church came to the rescue and delivered the fixings for a full turkey meal to our front door.



In addition to not having very much money for food, we didn't have very much money for “stuff”. I longed for a pair of real Nike tennis shoes, but had to settle for a cheap (Kinney's Shoes) imitation for which I was teased by my 6th grade classmates.




That shit sticks with you.

As a young adult I realized that money had power. I could buy myself things that I wanted--shoes, purses, watches...I couldn't get enough. I used to “toodle” around the mall, looking for objects to make me happy.

And guess what? I never found happiness in the shopping mall.

Without going into the painful details, I got into a lot of debt. I hid my spending in my trunk of my car and away from my husband. Eventually those things come to haunt you.



What I realized is that I was seeking meaning in my life and I thought I would find it in the next, newest thing. In the process I discovered my life's purpose could not be found in things.

$40,000 in debt and a one year stint in Debtors Anonymous later I realized I was looking...searching for something. 12 step programs often claim that you have a hole in your heart the size of Jesus.



I didn't find Jesus , but I started meditating and eventually became a Buddhist. I found meaning in my life through the process of being aware. I was able to look at my feelings and my experience with new eyes. I explored the physical sensations and craving to spend money with mindfulness.




I found it interesting that a recent study explored if a certain salary would make you happy. Would you be more happy or less happy with a higher salary? The study claimed that the closer you got to making $75,000, the happier you were—because it is comfortable to not struggle to pay your bills and to have a little to spend on yourself.

The study found, however, once your earnings EXCEED $75,000, you begin to suffer more. You have attachment associated with your earnings. You become fearful of losing your job and anxious about making less money.

The question is What is the answer—will money buy you happiness?

The answer for me is:
Happiness is not found in things
I don't find a sense of purpose in what I have
Spending money on an experience is more fulfilling than a new pair of shoes
Feelings are impermanent. When I explore feelings of craving or desire, they will pass.



The good news is that five years later my debt is paid off, I'm in a happy (and honest) marriage, I have a healthy savings account and my meditation practice is strong.

I am content.