Does money buy you happiness?

I used to think so.



I grew up in my elementary school years in a family that didn't have very much money. My mom, sister, and I were on food stamps—we ate government cheese and drank powdered milk. I remember one Thanksgiving where we thought we wouldn't have enough money to buy a turkey. Calvary Lutheran Church came to the rescue and delivered the fixings for a full turkey meal to our front door.



In addition to not having very much money for food, we didn't have very much money for “stuff”. I longed for a pair of real Nike tennis shoes, but had to settle for a cheap (Kinney's Shoes) imitation for which I was teased by my 6th grade classmates.




That shit sticks with you.

As a young adult I realized that money had power. I could buy myself things that I wanted--shoes, purses, watches...I couldn't get enough. I used to “toodle” around the mall, looking for objects to make me happy.

And guess what? I never found happiness in the shopping mall.

Without going into the painful details, I got into a lot of debt. I hid my spending in my trunk of my car and away from my husband. Eventually those things come to haunt you.



What I realized is that I was seeking meaning in my life and I thought I would find it in the next, newest thing. In the process I discovered my life's purpose could not be found in things.

$40,000 in debt and a one year stint in Debtors Anonymous later I realized I was looking...searching for something. 12 step programs often claim that you have a hole in your heart the size of Jesus.



I didn't find Jesus , but I started meditating and eventually became a Buddhist. I found meaning in my life through the process of being aware. I was able to look at my feelings and my experience with new eyes. I explored the physical sensations and craving to spend money with mindfulness.




I found it interesting that a recent study explored if a certain salary would make you happy. Would you be more happy or less happy with a higher salary? The study claimed that the closer you got to making $75,000, the happier you were—because it is comfortable to not struggle to pay your bills and to have a little to spend on yourself.

The study found, however, once your earnings EXCEED $75,000, you begin to suffer more. You have attachment associated with your earnings. You become fearful of losing your job and anxious about making less money.

The question is What is the answer—will money buy you happiness?

The answer for me is:
Happiness is not found in things
I don't find a sense of purpose in what I have
Spending money on an experience is more fulfilling than a new pair of shoes
Feelings are impermanent. When I explore feelings of craving or desire, they will pass.



The good news is that five years later my debt is paid off, I'm in a happy (and honest) marriage, I have a healthy savings account and my meditation practice is strong.

I am content.

Enjoy the silence

I am a complete insomniac—I have been since I was a teenager. I often wake up in the middle of the night for hours on end and cannot fall back asleep. It's not fun, but I've come to accept that it's just a part of my life.

Last week, while I was in the “sleep free” zone, I laid on the couch and as I was sitting there, I had a realization:

This must be what true peace feels like.

There were no emails, no phone calls from work, I don't have to “go” anywhere or “do” anything, I don't need to interact.

This must be peace.

I sat there for about an hour and enjoyed in the silence. There was this feeling of being safe.

I, like many, am too plugged in and too available. You are almost guaranteed to get a hold of me anytime of the day. That's the danger of having a blackberry—or really any kind of smart phone. I've been struggling a lot recently with this 21^st century notion of availability and I have even contemplated getting rid of my blackberry.

I often wonder “what is so important at work that you are calling me on my day off?” or “why are you expecting me to respond so quickly?” I realized it's because I've made myself too available. Perhaps this is one of the ways that I'm keeping myself from experiencing peace more often.

I was listening to a program on NPR about people and their smartphones. Did you know that every time your phone beeps, blips, or vibrates that it sends a “hit” of dopamine to your brain? That's right. Your phone is like a drug. We have become addicted to the dopamine.

What does that mean for us? That when we're at a stop light or on the couch and the phone doesn't ring, blip, or vibrate that we get bored--fast. We miss the rush that we feel from our dopamine hit. So, instead, we pick up the phone and log onto facebook or check your texts to see if we might have missed something. We've become drug addicts for our cell phones.

I'm equally guilty. I can't set the thing down, to be honest. Which is the reason I decided to do an experiment: What would it feel like if I turned off my cell phone during my vacation this week. Could I do it? Could I feel this sense of peace that I've only experienced at 4:00 in the morning?

I'm still in the middle of my vacation and still working with keeping the phone off. It has been a challenge But, I've been observing what I feel like physically and how my state of mind seems without the cell phone. It seems more peaceful. I wish that everyone could experience this because I think the world would be a better, less stressed-out place.

My challenge for you is to simply notice:

• When do you experience a feeling of peace? What does it feel like physically?

• What is your relationship with technology like? Are you constantly tuned in and plugged in?

• Try to keep your phone off for a ½ day or a full day. What does that feel like?

May you experience peace.

Sweet Potato Pancakes

I am too busy this weekend to do a really thoughtful post, so I thought I would share the Sweet Potato Pancake Recipe that I made this evening from Moosewood Restaurant New Classics cookbook. You may gain new best friends or even attract a rich husband with this recipe (heehee).



1 cup peeled and grated raw sweet potatoes
1/4 to 1/2 freshly grated lemon peel (don't skip this...it's essential!)
1 large egg
1 cup milk
2 TBSP oil or melted butter
1 cup flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons sugar

In a large bowl combine grated sweet potatoes, lemon peel, egg, milk, oil (or butter). In a separate bowl, stir together the flour, baking powder, salt, and sugar. Gently stir the dry into the wet ingredients. Do not overbeat or overstir. Set aside for 5-10 minutes.

Warm a lightly oiled skillet on medium-high heat. Pour a small amount of the batter into the skillet to form round pancakes. After about 2 minutes, when the pancakes are evenly dotted with bubbles and about half the bubbles have broken, flip the pancakes with a spatula. Cook the second side until lightly browned...about 1 minute. Continue in batches until the batter has been used.

Serve with Maple syrup, butter, sour cream or chunky salsa.

You will have more friends as a result of making this dish, be really popular, and I'm pretty sure people will find you more attractive (hahahahahaha). Seriously delicious. YUM!

No Longer a Slave

Did you know that if a store mannequin were a real woman that she would be too thin to menstruate? Or that Americans spend more than 40 billion dollars a year on dieting and diet related products?

Last week I went to a talk at the University of Minnesota by Swami Veda Bharati. He is a long time yogi and student of Swami Rama. When I entered the auditorium I had a lot of judgment about the other attendees and the environment (that will be a whole separate blog), however, when he started talking things changed.

He said something at the beginning of his talk that was so profound: “The body is a fit vessel for the spirit of god within.” This got me thinking...

I realized at that moment that I have spent a large part of my life hating my body—it started in elementary school being the tallest girl in my class. Then it moved into being ashamed of my curves as a teenager. I have spent a lot of my life feeling like I wanted my body to be different than it is.

This feeling is only magnified by images of thin models in magazines and beautiful actresses on the movie screen. There seems to be a lot of pressure from popular culture to look at certain way. I made the decision about 7 years ago to stop reading fashion magazines like Cosmo and Vogue (you may look at my wardrobe and question that decision--haha).

“Operation Magazine Removal” was followed years later by getting rid of my TV. These may seem like drastic moves to some, but I also believe that the TV was feeding me messages about what to buy and how to look.

I really feel strongly that the media perpetuates an aesthetic that is almost impossible to live up to. Rather than being grateful for what we have, we desire to be thinner, more beautiful, and better dressed.

My wish is to have a healthy body and a healthy mind. I do things to achieve this—I do yoga and cook homemade meals to care for my body. I read a lot and do meditation for my mind. I live as if I am treating my body as a vessel “for the spirit of god within.”

I refuse to be enslaved that the notion of being healthy means being movie star beautiful or model thin. I am grateful for a healthy body and mind.

A challenge for you:

• Be aware of your “self talk” throughout the next week. Is your inner “story” telling you that you are “less than” or “not good enough” because you may not live up to what the media believes is beautiful.

• Everyday start the day with gratitude for what you have. What aspects of your body and mind are you thankful for?

• Ask yourself: How am I treating my body today as a vessel for the spirit of god within? What am I doing to nourish myself?
  

Do No (or Less) Harm

Recently I made the decision to eat a vegetarian diet (again). It feels a little like “groundhog day” since I have done this before, but there is reason I made this decision and I feel really good about it.

I have been working a lot with loving kindness and compassion in my meditation practice this year. Something that can feel a little foreign to my cold, black Norwegian heart (no offense intended for my fellow cold-hearted Norwegians) and the practice has moved me in ways I could not imagine.


This loving kindness and compassion practice is based in a Buddhist “prayer” called the 4 Immeasurables.



There are several translations but here is one example:
May all sentient beings have happiness and the causes of happiness
May they be free from suffering and the causes of suffering
May they never be separated from bliss, free from suffering
May they dwell in equanimity from from attachment, aversion, and prejudice

________________________________________________________________________
I am sure there are several doctoral papers written on this subject and I'm not here to go all intellectual on you. But, working with this in my practice really got me to thinking...this prayer is a heart felt wish that ALL sentient beings be happy and free from suffering. The key words being “all” and “sentient”.
________________________________________________________________________


That includes your friendly cows, pigs, chickens, etc. Animals that millions of Americans consume for dinner every day.

I believe that by eating animals I am causing them to suffer. They are being killed so they can provide food for people. I consume(d) them, therefore they suffered.

Here are some startling facts about the number of animals killed per year:

Chickens: 8.68 billion
Turkeys: 267 million
Cattle: 35.5 million
Pigs: 101 million

My decision to eat vegetarian extends beyond the “animal rights” stuff. Factory farming is just bad for the environment.

Here are some more facts:

• It is estimated that 50% of the water consumed in the US is used to raise livestock.
• It takes 100 times more water to produce a pound of beef that it does to produce a pound of wheat.
• Agriculture is responsible for 70% waterway pollution. This is due to livestock farming.
• 2/3 of the Rainforest in Central America has been cleared for cheap beef to sell to America Fast Food establishments
  

I could go on and on...but that would qualify as “ranting”, don't you think? I think the truth is that a lot of people don't know any better.

veg·e·tar·i·an

The term vegetarian is created from the Latin word vegetus meaning “lively”. I plan on keeping the animals “lively” by not eating them, but also keeping myself more “lively” (or just "alive") since vegetarians LIVE longer.

Make a change...
So, chances are you may be unwilling to give up the cheeseburger...but maybe you would be willing to eat a vegetarian meal 1x a week. Or perhaps give up fast food and save a rainforest in Central America. You can make a small shift in your eating and make a big difference on your health and the environment.

Regardless of what you decide, I know what is right for me is to do less harm to the animals and the environment.

Have you hugged a Vegetarian today?

(Im)pure

pu·ri·ty

–noun 1. condition or quality of being pure; freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes, etc.

Imagine my surprise when I attended a new yoga class yesterday and the teacher started the class with a talk on purity.

Purity? Purity, to me, is such a loaded word bringing about thoughts of church, chastity, and perfection. "Who wants to be pure. Pure seems so boring!" I said in my head.

Then I thought--what in the heck do I think I'm doing with all this yoga and meditation? To some degree I AM purifying my body and mind (even if that was not my original intention).



A natural consequence of doing yoga is purifying the body through the breath.



A natural consequence of doing meditation is having a mind that is more calm and peaceful.

What I realized is that as a result of doing these practices I was making different choices about what I consume.

The Buddha taught that there are 4 kinds of "nutriments"--things which enable living beings to grow and maintain life--I think about them like nutrition we use to feed our mind and body.


4 Nutriments
1. Edible food and drink--the nutrients that sustain our bodies and feed our brain
2. Sense impressions--what we see, hear, taste, smell, touch and think
3. Volition--our inner motivation
4. Consciousness--everything that we have thought, said, or done throughout our lives

According to Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, through self reflection people can discover the nutriments that feed them and the nutriments that can lead to happiness or suffering.

Think about this in your own life:
-What messages do you feed your senses through the TV you watch or the magazines/books your read? Are they feeding your senses toxins or healthy messages?

-What foods/beverages do you consume that may be creating health or causing long term suffering?

"If you nourish yourself with four wholesome nutriments, consuming a healthy diet of edible food and drinks, sensory impressions, intention, and mental formations for your consciousness, then you, along with your loved ones, will benefit in concrete ways that are noticeable in your daily life."

From Savor by Thich Nhat Hanh







Make a commitment. If you are interested in working with your own "purity" here are 2 ideas:

• Choose one toxin in your life-something you feed your senses or your body. Try to eliminate or minimize your consumption of the toxin. Examine how it feels. Do you feel better? Do you feel completely irritated? Neither is right or wrong. Being aware is the key.

• Try a yogic breathing exercise: Kapalabhatti breath (cleaning breath).

Begin seated. Take two normal breaths. Inhale. Now exhale, pulling in your abdomen and use sharp puffs. Repeat twenty times, keeping a steady rhythm and emphasizing the exhalation each time. Then inhale, exhale completely, inhale fully and hold your breath for as long as you comfortably can. Slowly exhale.

Eggstatic about eggplant

I am currently obsessed with eggplant--the veggie and the color. I know, it seems strange. Some people crave a beautiful pair of shoes, but for me (right now) it's all about eggplant.

Up until 2 weeks ago I'd never actually eaten an eggplant. Never. However, in my newly identified eggplant craving I have experimented with an eggplant recipe that was delicious.

Test out this recipe and you may find that you, too, are eggstatic for eggplant.


Eggplant and couscous

Ingredients:

1 eggplant
1/2 cup couscous (whole wheat is better and more delicious)
Olive Oil
1 garlic clove
2 tablespoons slivered almonds
Tumeric (dash or 2)
Chili powder (dash or 2)
2 scallions, chopped
1 carrot, diced finely
3-4 baby bella mushrooms, chopped
2 tbsp raisins
1-2 tbsp chopped fresh cilantro

1. Cut the eggplant in half lengthwise and scoop out the "flesh" with a spoon. Chop it up and set aside.

2. Make the couscous by following the instructions on the back of the box.

3. Heat the olive oil in a pan. Add the garlic, almonds, tumeric, chili powder, scallions, carrot, mushrooms and raisins. Cook for 2-3 minutes.

4. Add the eggplant and cook for another 2-3 minutes. Add the cilantro and mix well.

5. Remove from the heat and mix together with the couscous.

6. Serve with a green salad. Tastes delicious!

Be well and show a little gratitude for that eggplant before you take your first bite.

Attitude of Gratitude

Now that you've turned off your television and created an environment that supports mindful eating, you can start eating (well, almost).

Before you take that first delicious bite, take a moment to honor your food. This is time for you to express your gratitude for your food by thinking about where the food came from--the farmers that grew the vegetables, the workers that transported the food, and/or the cook that prepared the food.

You may find that by taking a moment to think about where your food came from, that you make healthier food choices.


Imagine what it would be like to do a cheeto meditation--it's hard to find gratitude for the cheeto. Where does it come from? Who farmed it? The cheeto farmer? It's harder to cultivate gratitude for processed foods when one tries to think about the source.

The beauty about fruits and vegetables are that they are a representation of the earth--a combination of the water, soil, and sun. Show your gratitude for mother earth by thinking for a moment about all of the causes and conditions that came together to produce this beautiful food.

You may find that by cultivating an attitude of gratitude that you may make healthier food choices, but I guarantee you won't find Jesus in a cheeto. Or will you?

Mindful Eating: turn off your f*#&ing TV!

Did you know that the average home has more television sets than people? It's true of most...is it true of you?

Other interesting facts--

• television is watched an average of 6 hours and 47 minutes a day
  
• 66% of americans eat dinner while watching tv
  

In a bold move last year my husband Jim and I got rid of our TV (the shock! the horror!) and replaced our television with...a reading chair! It's interesting how this small (but important) shift has changed our lives.

One of the most important things that we do differently-sans telly- is that we actually eat dinner at the dining room table. We light a candle, pull up a chair, and have a healthy side of conversation with our veggies.


Many people fall into patterns of MINDLESS eating--they watch tv, play on their computer, talk on the phone, or check out facebook while they are eating their dinner. This type of behavior has consequences. When we don't pay attention while eating we:

• tend to overeat
• make unhealthy food choices
• don't enjoy the full experience of our food
  
• eat out of emotion rather than hunger

So, the first step of eating mindfully is to set the stage and remove your obstacles.
Mindful eating is more likely to happen when you are in an environment that supports it. This means removing distractions that interfere with your mealtime. It is as simple as turning off your tv, computer, and cell phone.

Once you make this small change you have achieved the first step to eating mindfully.

Try it one day a week and see how it changes your relationship with your family...AND your food.

Be well.

How do you rate? A Mindful Eating Assessment

I've been reading the book Savor by Thich Nhat Hanh and Dr. Lilian Cheung. I started reading this book because I was doing some research to write a workshop on mindful eating. As I learned more I came to some startling realizations about my own relationship with food. My mindfulness practice seemed to be put "on hold" each time I sat down to eat. I would do anything other than pay attention to my food. I'd mess around on my Blackberry, check facebook (haha), read a magazine, listen to the radio...the list goes on. How interesting! I decided at that point to take some time to work with my mindfulness practice--and eating--in a whole new way.

For those of you that are not familiar, mindful eating simply means eating or drinking while being aware of each bite and each sip. Eating mindfully has so many awesome benefits. People who eat mindfully tend to:

• Have decreased risk of obesity
  
• Have more awareness of physical and emotional sensations around eating
  
• Make healthier food choices
• Eat out of true hunger, not emotion
• Stop eating when they are full
  

In order to start working with food and mindfulness it's important to understand our own eating habits. As a part of this process I did a self assessment. The assessment is not meant to give you a "score", instead to identify some areas of opportunity where you could improve your own mindful eating.

The questions included in this assessment are drawn from a variety of sources including Savor and the web. I would encourage you to answer the questions for yourself and see how you rate.

Mindful Eating Assessment

1. Do you pay attention to how your food looks, tastes, and smells?
2. Do you eat in response to sadness or stress?
3. Do you eat in response to environmental cues like seeing an advertisement in a magazine or on TV?
4. Do you focus on other things like the computer or television?
5. Do you continue to eat even when you are full?
6. Do you live or work in an environmnet that makes it difficult to eat healthfully?

If it seems from the assessment that you eat mindlessly (as so many of us do), never FEAR! The upcoming blogs will give you tips to eat more mindfully.

Until then, I recommend that you simply pay attention. Pay attention to when you eat, how much you eat, and how you feel after you eat. This is a great place to start with a mindful eating practice.

Be well.

What's in a name?

After a lot of agonizing and brainstorming with friends about the name of my blog, I finally decided on "quiver". The name suddenly appeared in my mind after napping in the 90 degree heat and I knew it was the one.

Why the name quiver, you ask? As you may know...a quiver is a container that holds arrows. I consider myself a "warrior" and my mindfulness practice (yoga/meditation/etc.) is the arrow that I use to cut to through the general chaos I find alive in the world.

More importantly to me, quiver is a feeling that I experience frequently. It is the feeling I find in my heart (sometimes, not always) during my lovingkindness/compassion practice and it's the feeling of anxiety I experience daily.

So, as I sit here sweating on this early summer day I decided to post a photo taken last fall of a tree with snow on it. It serves as a reminder to me that nothing is permanent--the snow, the heat, the quiver of anxiety or compassion. It is all fleeting.

During the next couple of weeks I will be posting blogs about mindful (or not so mindful) eating. I've been experimenting with what and how I eat and I look forward to sharing that with you.

Be well.